A close friend of mine turned to me the other day, unprompted and said: “2018 has really been a fuckbag of a year for you.” I laughed, heartily. What could I say, she wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t all bad and there are a bazillion people worse off than me when it comes to their year so what did she want me to say? Truth be told – and at the risk of rolling out the camembert – it was a time of high highs and low lows. If you told me half of the madness that would ensure before it became the same year, I started my business I would have most likely held back but I’m glad I didn’t.
Sometimes life gives you lemons, other times it throws them at your head when you aren’t looking but the important thing to remember is that you get to decide what to do with them after you catch them. In light of my friend’s comments and in tribute to the last 365 unpredictable days, here are the few nuggets of wisdom I’ll be taking away with me in 2019 and please feel free to share yours.
5. To Get Something You Have Never Had, You Must Do Something You Have Never Done
I heard this line a few years ago and my jury was out. Now, however, I can confirm for me personally it certainly has some standing. From our teenage years of being fanatical about a band or sport to our present-day adulting selves, we’ve been crafting away at our identity to nail down who we are, what we are about and how we operate in the world. With this sense of certainty can often come rigidity, until we notice that a particular aspect of our lives may not be bearing fruit in a way that we hoped, despite our efforts. Enter the realisation that the way we have lived up until now has got us this far, but a new way of being is called for to reach our next destination. If we approach everything the same way all the time, we are likely to get similar results so why not try something different and see what happens. I’m fully aware of how scary that might sound for some as people have worked hard fastening in the details of their personal manifesto but what if everything you ever wanted was within your reach if you just slightly altered your approach? I’ve taken the plunge in that regard this year and reaped the rewards. It’s something I’m still practising but it’s been worth it. Don’t be afraid to shake it up.
4. The Importance Of Community
Every single person in this world who has gotten anywhere in this life hasn’t done it alone. No man is an island as they say and support as well as a sense of togetherness in whatever form it may come from your people, is vital. I’ve never felt this more than I have this year. I think this is largely to do with my chosen work path which can at times feel like open heart surgery of the self-development kind, in public and realtered my lifestyle in a way I never imagined. By surrounding myself with people who I can speak freely around, are there for the lols as well as the heart to hearts, will check in, put the odd dinner in front of me, understand if I can’t make an event, who I can rely on and I can do all of the above for them in return, is something special. We all need community in our lives and I am truly blessed to have it. I hope you have one too. No one should ever feel like they are alone. If you don’t feel like you do, make one.
3. Just Because You Can, Does Not Mean You Have To
Our schedules are jammers, talents abundant and possibilities endless, so many of us ride the train of opportunity which we all know drives in the fastest lane. I called a halt on it this year by simply applying the above. That means something different to everyone and it’s worth paying attention to what it means for you. Maybe you can assemble this desk on your own or raise children and work full time or travel the world solo or can actually go to that wedding or get that promotion, but that does not mean you must. We can so easily get caught up in this obsession with progression and improving ourselves as people that we feel we must always be achieving and fulfil our potential. No, we do not. Just because we can, doesn’t mean we have to. Take a step back. Breath. Now empty your life of shoulds and cans and fill it with needs and wants. On that note, while you are clearing out the internal closet, be sure to rid it of stuff that no longer serves you. Unless it’s aiding or adding to your life, ditch it. You must clear out the old to make space for the new.
2. The Necessity Of Self-Care
I learned this in spectacular fashion this year. To put it simply, you are no good to anyone, if you don’t look after yourself. If it’s not something you already do, consider prioritising yourself this year. If you haven’t a clue where to start, we all have a friend who is great at it. The one that takes downtime, says no to some social gatherings, goes on holidays and switches off their phone. Ask that friend, they will know where a good place is to start. It’s a bit like the drains and radiators example. Reduce the number of experiences that will deplete you energetically and raise the number of restorative ones. I’m slowly working towards turning my life into radiator city.
1. Embrace Every Morsel Of Life You Get
Yes, I know this is nothing we don’t already know and is a textbook response to death, but frankly, I care not. I don’t think we can ever have enough reminding. I was once asked by a friend in my early twenties if I was ill because I lived life like someone who was told they only had a set amount of time to live. I told them that we did, we just don’t know when that clock is up, and I am not taking any chances. I don’t fear death itself, I fear not making use of the life I have while I have it. So, when a friend of mine died after a short, swift and shocking illness in early 2018, it hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting. Instead of focusing on the big things I wanted to do in the world which is already well underway, it brought me back to the little things; the fresh air caressing my forehead, blades of grass massaging between my toes, the smell of fresh flowers, a touch of a hug, the feeling of a belly laugh and the sound of a loved one’s voice. These are the morsels we assume we’ll always have, and others can no longer experience. Take nothing for granted. The most sobering thing in life is when the cushion of familiarity is suddenly stripped away.
When it comes to setting goals for 2019, I’d simply ask you what you truly want from this weird, wild and wonderful life. If it is to genuinely have a six-pack by summer, then go for it. Maybe you do just want to look after your health, perhaps you have always wanted to take up a class like sailing or painting or wondered if you could sing. If I’m honest, I think the answer to most of our desires lies within how these things might make us feel. You might want to improve how you see yourself in the mirror or crave that sense of accomplishment that comes with having ‘done something with your year’. Overall, I think we all just want to be happy and we can find that in the simplest of places. Connect in with what brings you joy and work back from there, you’ll soon realise what might be best to fill your 2019 with and who knows, you might find that you already have it.
